Understanding Yourself

Christine Frezza is known to say that every play is about a character's journey from ignorance to self-awareness, and Shakespeare once mentioned that we are all just players on the stage of life. So, I suppose you could say that we are all going on journeys of ignorance to self-awareness every day, and that each is a new play for God to watch.

This semester I've been on several journeys, most of them at the exact same moment in time. The funny thing? I didn't even notice. It probably works best that way, all things considered.

My major path, though, has been one of coming to accept myself. All my life I've had ichthyosis, and for most of time I let it define who was. I wasn't just Kirstin. I was Kirstin, the girl with ichthyosis and a sharp tongue. But living like that... It is so draining. This semester I, somehow or another, ended up writing a creative nonfiction story about what it's like to live with my disorder. As I was writing it, I noticed that my disorder was a part of who I am, but it was just that: a piece. I don't know when or how, but sometime in the past year I've moved on, and have really let myself live. Even on days when my face looks absolutely horrible, I still go out and smile at people, even when they give me looks that their mothers would not approve of. I think I may have even come to love myself, to love what I see in the mirror. I may not be stunningly beautiful in the eyes of the world, but... to me, I'm starting to be someone worth noticing. It's the most amazing thing, really, to realize that you love and accept yourself. I feel like nothing can really stop me from doing what I want because I've tackled the hardest thing: myself.

I think I am really going to enjoy the new year, and I wish all of you the best.