Graduate School

Since November my life has been caught up with the business of applying to graduate schools and dancing through the various hoops that they have thrown in my path. Money's been tight in my family, so I was only able to apply to three programs: the University of Utah, the University of Alabama, and Brigham Young University.

Brigham Young University was somewhere I had never wanted to go. Growing up I was surrounded by people who didn't particularly care for it (with good reason) and I had never truly been impressed with what I had seen of their programs (or the students who came out of it). Imagine my confusion when I got the very strong impression to apply to their creative writing program. I balked about it at first, but eventually decided that the Lord's will meant more than my opinion of one school. So, I got my creative writing sample together and even got the ecclesiastic endorsement. I could tell that my parents were confused by my decision to apply there, but they understood about following promptings. After all, the family motto seems to be "Going wherever the Lord calls us". Last month I got a letter from them that basically said, "Yeah, we don't want you." My confidence was severely shaken. I'd gotten the prompting to apply there, and then what? A rejection. But I wasn't upset. That was the strange thing. I felt perfectly calm about the situation, and knew that it was for the best. I have since come to think that it was a test of whether or not I would do what the Lord asked of me. I'd gone against all of my preconceptions and desires, and applied to a program I wasn't sure about. I didn't get in, but that's all right. Everything happens for a reason.

At the same time I applied to BYU I also sent in an application to the University of Alabama (Tuscaloosa). A friend at the Ohio Valley Shakespeare Conference had recommended them to me since they had the Hudson Strode Shakespearean Scholar, which seemed like a perfect fit for me. They would pay for me to study at a research library anywhere in the US or the UK (which would mean I could even go to King's College London or the library at Stratford-Upon-Avon). Unfortunately, U of A was particularly poor at communication. I had no idea what they wanted (their website was uninformative), and so submitted what seemed to be the standard fare. I've not heard from them since, even when I sent an email to see if they had received all of my application material. I don't know that I will ever hear back from them.

After I'd heard back from BYU I had another prompting: apply to the University of Utah. Before bothering with that, I sent an email to two of the professors there. I had noticed that their program was focused mainly on the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries - I'm an early modern student. So, I asked them if there was any room for me in their program. Almost immediately I got emails from both telling me that they were looking for an early modern student, and that I should definitely apply. Feeling bolstered a little, I went through the application process. Since the fee was a one-time thing (a rare thing as far as grad schools go) I applied to both their creative writing and literature programs. I figured it couldn't hurt to try and get into one of them. I honestly don't expect much from the creative writing side - my specialty is play writing, which is not something the U really has the staff for. For my creative writing sample to them I used a revised version of my creative nonfiction piece "And They Call Me a Freak", which is all about my experiences living with ichthyosis. They have four or five faculty members interested in creative nonfiction, so it'll be interesting to see what sort of reaction they have to it. For my critical sample I used "The Forgotten Fool: Geoffrey Chaucer", the essay that took me to the Ohio Valley Shakespeare Conference. I'm hopeful that they will be vastly impressed with my skills wading through the old texts and Middle English translations of Ancient French.

I am really hoping that the U will accept me so I can stay in Utah and get through my master's as quickly as possible. After that I'd like to either get my PhD or an MFA in dramaturgy, which is part of my Master Plan. We'll see if God agrees with that plan.

I just... hope I get accepted into some program. My GPA isn't the greatest in the world (thanks to struggles with PTSD my first two years of school) but my other credentials are rather shiny. Mer... I'm severely conflicted. I'm hopeful that things will work out perfectly, but I can't help but be nervous.

What if nobody wants me?