Choices, Choices

Yesterday I had a very fun conversation. I was at a wedding reception, and while there I spoke to a friend's mother. Talk about a cool lady! She has always been one of my heroes, so I was very excited to see her again. Her daughter is coming home from her mission in two weeks, and this lead to something of an interesting discussion.

Many of my friends from high school have settled down. Most have been married and had kids, others are settling into their careers, and some have even bought houses. Comparatively speaking, I am a loose cannon. I do not have a spouse, kids, or even a steady job. Instead, I am known as the globe trotting academic. In high school, this particular future would have seemed impossible. I was seriously dating someone I thought I loved, I had no plan for my future, and I was generally just a mess. When I graduated, I was in even worse a state--since I had broken up with my boyfriend the year before and just had...a lot of things going wrong. Over the past five years, I have gained both direction and a steadiness of personality, which in turn has transformed me into a different person. (This does not mean, however, that I am remotely near perfect. Far from it.) The people at the reception all commented on how I had changed, and that the change was for the better.

How did this become important in talking to Laura's mom?

Well, Laura chose to go on a mission. Unlike many other young women, she decided to put off the husband hunt in favor of serving the Lord. I'm extremely proud of her, and I could not help but tell her mother how I felt. Laura's mother countered with how impressed she was with me. "You have decided to seize the adventure," she said, "and you are going to change the world. Even if you never have a family of your own, you will make a huge difference in the lives of others." Last night was the first time I had really considered that: Some part of me had always believed that I would never be able to face my old friends without a man on my arm. But, there I was, solo and happy. The choices I have made in the past five years have helped me become someone independent, confident, and calm. While a husband would be nice, having a man is not the point of my life. My students and my faith have become more important to me than anything else; a man is more of a bonus at this point. Others who knew how I was were able to see the change, something I had been unable to do. My perspective on life has changed so slowly that I never even noticed it as happening.

I know there are days where my friends and family question the decisions I make--I frequently doubt them myself--but last night I saw they were not flippant or pointless. The choices I've made have helped me become a better person, and I know that it's not my genius at work. God has directed me where I've needed to be over the past few years, and slowly I am becoming the woman He wants me to be. Life couldn't be better, and I can't wait to see what happens next. All I know for sure is that applying for PhD programs is going to be yet another adventure.