Adjustments and Adventures

The trip out to Alabama was nothing if not exciting. What was supposed to be a light trip in which we'd arrive early Saturday (if not sooner) stretched out all the way until Sunday morning. How? Weeell, let's just say things got sticky about 500 miles in. Dad and I were driving through Wyoming when my car suddenly lost all power. We'd vapor locked. It eventually got to the point where we were towed fifty miles back to the nearest mechanic. Highway robbery is still alive, in case you were wondering, but we eventually got back on our way. Ironically, we found out that there was a tornado further along our route that day. Who knows, maybe having that awful breakdown meant we didn't have to deal with a Nebraska tornado?

Evie was a complete trooper through out all of this and only whined when the need to go on a walk arose. We made it all the way to Missouri before trouble started to arise once more. My car locked up again in a little place called High Hill. The people there were so nice! A bride was getting ready for her bridal shower at the local town hall (tiny little building that looked like it could've been a church once upon a time). She had me come inside and gave me a bunch of ice water while I sat in front of the air conditioning. I don't think she realized it, but she literally saved my life. The high temperatures were taking an extreme toll on me, and when I collapsed in that blessedly cold air... Well, let's just say I knew how close to danger I had been. I think it was about an hour further down the road (once we got going again) that we came upon an absolutely awful accident that had happened recently. Because of our delay, Dad and I weren't caught in the cluster of traffic that was paralyzed on the freeway until the accident was cleaned up nor were we involved in the accident. I hate (absolutely hate) breaking down, but it certainly is a better alternative than dying! Sadly, the accident we passed was a fatal one.

Somehow we kept dragging along - at that point we were all very much ready to be done - and when we came to Memphis is was late Saturday night. Dad and I both were very uneasy about stopping, though, and so continued on quite a bit further. I can't quite remember, but I'm fairly certain we made it to Mississippi before we stopped for the night... That or we were very close to the border. When we finally made it to my apartment we were all very happy to have safely arrived. But, it wasn't over! Dad and I quickly made the trip over to meet the members of my church, and after that hour I was completely burnt out. I wanted nothing more than to sleep for the rest of eternity - an option that came to no fruition.

The next morning I started orientation at the university. I was quickly inducted into the world of the writing center, and got to know the other students that were also coming into my department. Christopher, the first person I met, could have walked off the cover of GQ or Vogue. He dresses at the very pinnacle of fashion and is a poet, not to mention as sassy as you can expect. Then there's Erica, a really laid back nonfiction writer, and Collyn, a girl with a tongue so sharp I'm amazed she doesn't cut herself. I also met a guy, Nathanael, who I swear is a modern reincarnation of Mark Twain; ironically, he is a literature major specializing in early 20th century American works... Coincidence? I think not. And then there's Jason. He's another Strodie (which means he is also in the Renaissance program) and just about the coolest kid I've ever met. He is horribly shy, and so to avoid that he has the most amazing ability to ask just the right questions to get people talking. Quite literally, he fires off three questions, you reply, and before you quite realize it you've spent two hours talking to him about yourself...without feeling at all guilty about it. Jason also happens to be very smart, and working with him (so far) has been an absolutely great experience.

At current I'm running around rather like a chicken without a head. I spend several hours a week tutoring at the writing center, several hours more in classes, and even more hours helping two of the professors on campus with their research. As you can imagine, when I'm not doing those sorts of things I am either walking Evie or doing reading for my classes. It seems like a never ending cycle, and time is slipping away so fast! An extra job I have at the writing center is to run the facebook and twitter pages, which gets a bit exciting. We're presently trying to rename our twitter account since it's too close to the name of the University of Arkansas' twitter, but we'll get it eventually. I'm apparently doing good work (so far) and slowly people are taking notice. I have big, big plans for our social media network, and hopefully some of it pans out! If not, I'm at least learning and experiencing new things.

So far the beautiful state of Alabama is being very good to me. There are challenges, as can be expected, but I think I'm flourishing. My biggest concern at the moment is getting my car fixed, which is going to (hopefully) take place on Tuesday. It's definitely getting worse, and I just hope I can make the trip to Birmingham without incident. I'll try to update y'all sooner rather than later, but we'll see what my schedule allows. I have a paper due the first week of October that I want to get started working on, if only so by the time I get it turned in I might've had the chance to edit it at least once...

Here's hoping, right? Right!

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By way of random addition, Dad and I played a fun game on our trip. We were collecting license plates, you might say. We found almost all of the states (excluding Delaware and Rhode Island if I remember right), France, five of the Canadian provinces, a government plate, and a military plate! It was a great way to pass the time, that's for sure! Funnier still is that we saw Hawaii and Alaska within the first two hours of our drive...within ten miles of each other.

Simple Kindness

There are days when it feels like everything is going wrong. My back hurts, I have too many textbooks to buy, I can't get my door to lock... Blah blah blah. It's at times like that I usually end up being reminded that my life is not nearly so bad as I like to think it is.

For instance, I was unhappy about the fact I had to work. I was tired and didn't want to do it. When I went to the post office right before my shift to drop off some paperwork I got talking to the post lady. She told me that she'd been at work since four that morning and she would be glad to be off at five. Suddenly my five hour shift didn't seem nearly so bad.

I had the transmission go out on my car while I was adventuring about with my Mom. I was so frustrated that I wanted to cry (transmissions and I happen to be very cursed). That night I found out that one of my friend's had their car's engine blow out entirely. My car was fixed in a few days, and my friend hasn't even begun to get the money together to get a new car.

This morning I didn't want to wake up - I felt like I was on the wrong side of the universe. But when I opened my eyes it was to the wonderful sight of rain falling out my window. This convinced me to get out of bed and check my email. I learned that I had gotten my apartment in Alabama and that everything was all set for me to move in on the 13th of August. I never would've enjoyed either of those things if I had stayed in bed.

I suppose the point is that I am grateful for the small goodnesses in my life. My circumstances are not perfect, but they could always be worse, especially if I whine about them. I am just grateful for how well things are going and for the great goodness of the Lord. He truly is watching out for me and making certain that I have every needful thing. I think with a little bit more trust my problems would be a lot less. For now, though, I'll just celebrate everything I have.

My Father

I have a fantastic father. He has always been an example of kindness, strength, and wisdom in my life. More than that, though, I am amazed at the humor he has. Even on the worst of days Dad always has a smile for me when he sees me, and he always manages to make some sort of pun, even if it is about what is wrong at the time.

I often don't know how my dad finds the strength to keep going. He has faced so much adversity and overcome so much, and he still has hope. Dad is always talking about the latest brilliant idea he's come up with or how he would improve this or that--he is constantly working to make the world a better place. I respect that element of his personality so much. He really believes that he can change the world, and I know that he can. His intelligence is a tool to help him do that, and he's always humble enough to see how he can improve himself.

How could I honestly have a better father?

When I was born with my skin disorder he could've given up hope or treated me as if I were made out of glass. Instead, he taught me to be strong and to follow my dreams. I was never treated like a hindrance, even when we had to drive through Death Valley without air conditioning when it was 110 degrees outside and he had to figure out how to keep me cool during the journey. If anything, he has always made me feel intelligent and beautiful. I am so blessed to have him in my life. Without his positive influence I could have grown up to be bitter or shy; I am confident and progressive because of him.

I just wish that others could realize how great a man my father is. He is integrity and kindness, joy and intelligence...and yet so many people treat him like he's worthless. When his work tries to break him or people condescend to him I just want to shake them. I want to tell them how fantastic he is and how much they could learn from him; but, I know they would not listen to me.

I just want my father to know that I love him with all of my heart and that I am so grateful for everything he is in my life. I am a success because he has believed in me and because he has taught me how to look for ways to solve the problems around me. I pray that his dreams do come true and that he finds further happiness in his life.

Love you, Daddy.

My Thoughts on Kindness

Kindness is something I think about a lot. It originally started as something I thought about because it was not a strong point of mine. I was so defensive growing up that I struggled to be kind and selfless. In all honesty, it wasn't until college that I realized how...selfish I could be. And since then I have realized a lot about kindness that has helped me become a much better person.

Kindness is something that cannot be faked or forced. It is something that is born out of genuine concern for others, and if you're not emotionally ready to be selfless then you cannot give true kindness. Now, that is not to say you have to be selfless all the time to be truly kind. Sometimes there are bursts of selflessness that give birth to kindness, and some days it is easier than others.

Another thing I've learned is that if you're looking for the bad in someone you will never want to be kind to them. You need to be willing to admit the good in others in order to want to serve them. I don't always like the people I'm kind to--sometimes I don't even know them--but I've found when I can find some reason to like them it is so much easier to show them kindness. Sometimes I even have to reevaluate the people in my life because I condemned them before I was ready to look for the good in them, and I'm always surprised by the things I let myself overlook. So, in point, let yourself find the good in others and you will stop looking for reasons to not show them kindness.

I've also learned that one act of kindness will lead to another. If you can only do one small thing it will lead to another small thing, and the kindnesses will build up into larger acts.

And, at the end of the day, the most surprising thing I learned about kindness is that you have to love yourself before you can be really kind. Kindness is an expression of love for those around you, but you can not really love others until you love yourself. So, to solve my own problems with kindness I looked inside myself. I had to heal my heart before I could really help those around me, and once I started to work on that being good to others came quickly.

Now, I'm not at all perfect at being kind. I have bad days and selfish moments and I lose my temper, but I really feel like I've come a very long way. And, in many ways, this blog post was for myself. I remind myself by telling others what I think and feel.

Alumna Status!

This weekend has been such a rush! I am still not entirely certain how I feel, but it's definitely been a great experience.

Thursday afternoon my parents arrived--just a few hours after I had survived my very last final. We puttered around and enjoyed the evening, which was a bit strange. I told Kinsey that I didn't know if I could be entertaining enough to keep them busy in Cedar City, but it seemed to pan out all right. Before I really knew what was happening, it was Friday morning.

Kinsey, Mom, and I spent the morning making "thank you" cards for the professors who had really helped me during my education. There were two who had initially been seen as "hostiles" by a rather naive Kirstin, but this year I've really tried to look past my initial conceptions. Amazingly, my first impressions were proved to be wrong. Because they had different opinions than me I had dismissed them, and that was completely unfair. Both professors are brilliant people in their own way, and I was glad to take the time to acknowledge all they have taught me. Mom (of course) made the most beautiful cards. She's such a talented artist, and I am so blessed to know her!

Once afternoon hit I got into my robes and cap, and we walked over to the school. I got into line with the other theatre majors who were graduating that day (all eight of us) and we wiggled our way into an order. When the procession began the theatre majors all ended up holding hands because we couldn't hold a straight line otherwise (ironically, the dancers marching beside us couldn't keep a straight line and fell behind at least three times). We danced our way beneath the bell tower, jived down the stairs, and passed through the gauntlet of professors cheering us on...and promptly managed to miss our turn. Eventually the college of Performing and Visual Arts was turned in the right direction, and we entered the arena to the sound of Dan Frezza announcing "The Graduates from the school of Performing and Visual Arts." Since Dan is both the husband of one of my favorite professors and the announcer for all of the PVA pre-show messages, it felt rather like coming home to have him do the announcement.

Commencement itself was loooooong. Landon, who beat me out for Student Commencement Speaker, did all right, I suppose. It was very animated and earned a few chuckles, but I like to think I would have done it better (which is likely my own vanity talking). Clayton Christensen gave a really nice address, and I thought his message of asking the right questions was a pertinent one. It really made me think about my studies and if I am asking the right questions of myself. I feel that I am, which makes me feel even better about my choices. I think my favorite part of the ceremony itself (besides moving the tassel over at the end) was the awarding of the honorary degrees. They were such good stories with such good people behind them, and I really want to be worthy of getting an honorary degree some day. And yes, that is officially now on my bucket list.

Saturday we got up early (by my standards) in order to make it to PVA's convocation. The graduates all marched in to the tune of "Swing and Circumstance", and then we all sat on the stage. It was great to watch all of the presentations by the outstanding students for Theatre, Dance, Art, Arts Administration, and Music all presented. We have some really talented people in my graduating class! And then came the important part designed to make proud parents cry: the conferring of the degrees. I was the first student from theatre to be announced. "Kirstin Bone, BIS in Shakespearean Studies." Walking across the stage I shook Dean Mendini's hand and accepted my empty degree case. I felt...effervescent.

After graduation the theatre people all went across the street to the auditorium. We then proceeded to have a rather...epic photoshoot for our graduating class.

Yes, that is us. In a fountain. It was a wonderfully silly way to cap off a wonderful day. My parents, Kinsey, and I then had lunch before I said goodbye to my parents. I'm moving home later this week so I can get ready for the huge move to Alabama, and I am..excited for what waits. Admittedly, I am very sad about no longer having Kinsey as my roommate. I think that, out of everyone I have met here at SUU, she means the most to me. She's practically become a sister to me, and I will miss her so much when I move to Alabama. I have been told repeated times that I can't take her with me since her teacher's certification isn't national yet.

If nothing else, though, I am now an official alumna of SUU, class of 2011. Woo!

The Ways of Loss

I've been thinking about strange things lately... Things like loss. I suppose it's the strange combination of lost houses, lost babies, and lost freedoms permeating the lives of those I know. It seems like something that is hitting as many people as possible.

One of my cousins miscarried the week before last, and in my own personal writing I've taken on the scenario of "what if one of my characters lost their baby". In some ways it is...masochistic of me. My family is notorious for being either very fertile or having great troubles getting pregnant, and I'm honestly more likely to have inherited the latter. I have the vague concern that having a family will be difficult for me, but I'm oddly comforted by knowing that there are strong women in my life who've gone through it and survived. One of my clearest memories is my mother and grandmother talking about what it was like.... I can't even fathom what my cousin must be going through: she doesn't have a testimony of life after death. I am very grateful for the fact that I have a testimony of the Gospel, and that I know families are meant to be united for time and all eternity. There are many members of my family that I won't get to meet in this life, but I feel they're just another thing to look forward to in the life to come.

This year I've also watched different family members lose their houses. Admittedly, that's one a little to close to home. I've been told over and over again that it isn't the physical place that makes a home but the people inside of it, but... I still worry. I suppose I've paid too much attention to the pyramid of needs, which seems pretty insistent that you need shelter to be a happy-pappy member of society. Luckily, everyone I know who has gone through this particular form of loss has had somewhere to go.

And this week a former friend was recently sentenced in an attempted murder case. It still hasn't quite processed that he went so thoroughly... I don't even know how to describe it. Two years ago he tried to bash two guys' brains out with a hammer, and all I can think about is 'what if he had gone after me?' This friend visited my house a month before the attack, and everything seemed... All right? I had expected that I would have been able to see some change in him or sense the darkness that might drive an individual to those sorts of measures, but there was nothing. I don't understand how someone who had served a mission just the year before could do that. I really don't. I know it's not God's fault--we all make our own decisions and Zach made some truly awful ones. I just feel inept for having been blind to what was going on. Is this supposed to be some sort of warning? Some lesson that I'm missing?

Loss in all its forms is...making an impact on me. I can feel it brush past me, like someone walking too close to me in a tight hallway. Next time is it going to crash into me?

Awesome news!

So, this is about a week late, but it's still too good to not share! I got a letter from the University of Alabama accepting me to the Hudson Strode Renaissance Studies MA and offering me a nice stipend. I'll start as something of a TA, and then in my second year I'll actually teach two classes a semester. Exciting, right?

I have to decide whether or not I'll accept their offer by April 15th. Technically I'm still waiting to hear back from U of U, but... I dunno, it seems like too good of an offer to pass up. I am admittedly terrified of moving across the country--I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for that kind of move. What if I have a total breakdown or something goes absolutely wrong? I'd be hundreds of miles away and isolated. I won't even have a friend in the same state... Jamie suggested I call the bishop of the ward and have him help me find a place to live. I won't be able to get out there until August, after all, and all of the apartments might be gone if I wait til I get there.

Gah, there are so many intricacies to this! Any advice or helpful tips for moving across the country? Should I accept the offer from the UA?