Money is an interesting thing. It really is. Have you ever stopped to notice the power it has over people? One day you can think that someone is a friend that trusts you quite a bit, and then comes the issue of money. That blasted creation.
The reason I talk of this is because, like most college students, my money is in short supply. Gas prices are on the rise to ridiculous, rent is not exactly what one can call low, and all the other costs of living seem to be rising more with each day. And in the midst of all of this comes dealing with down payments. Now, usually this would not be so entirely stressful. I've been working all semester to have the money necessary to secure a place to rent, but once in a while I've had to pay for other things like going home and dealing with paying for credits.
One of my roommates decided to go Nazi today about money, and trigged so many of my anxieties stemming from past crap that I wanted to cause her some major harm. For some reason the explanation that I would have almost the entire sum by the 9th wasn't good enough, and she went into attack mode. To say the least right now I am deeply stressed and tempted to call my friend Derek to see how much he is willing to buy my car for.
I really, really hate money. And the thing is, I feel like I can't talk to my parents about it. They have so many financial burdens because of my brother and how work is going for my dad that I just...don't want to be another problem for them. I don't know what to do.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Summer Days
You know, I never thought I would get to the point where finals week just wasn't that scary. Is that an odd sensation? I still have two papers to write, one of them being an analysis of one of my favorite movies and the other a brief blurb from the perspective of a Renaissance painter, and a radio program to mix, but I'm really calm about the whole thing. My radio program doesn't scare me because I know how to do that, and the papers...those are going to get done tonight. Tomorrow I check out of my room at Juniper, and today I turn in my journalism portfolio. Overall it seems like things are going rather well.
I'm actually going to be living down in Cedar City for the summer, so that should be something of an adventure. I'll be continuing my work at the observatory, so if you want to talk I'll be there every Monday night starting at sundown. Beyond that I'll probably be working another two jobs so my future roommate won't continue to worry about making payments on where we will be living during the summer and the coming school year. While I'm at it, I'll also be writing the book I promised I would finish this year, and I'll be working hard to do everything I can to improve the coming semester.
Life is scary. Life is hard. Life is expensive. Those are my lessons going into summer, and if the stress doesn't kill me I bet it will be a very fun experience. Here's to seeing those of you here at school in the coming fall, and to the rest of you...Well, our paths will cross again sooner or later. Don't be afraid to email me.
To life!
I'm actually going to be living down in Cedar City for the summer, so that should be something of an adventure. I'll be continuing my work at the observatory, so if you want to talk I'll be there every Monday night starting at sundown. Beyond that I'll probably be working another two jobs so my future roommate won't continue to worry about making payments on where we will be living during the summer and the coming school year. While I'm at it, I'll also be writing the book I promised I would finish this year, and I'll be working hard to do everything I can to improve the coming semester.
Life is scary. Life is hard. Life is expensive. Those are my lessons going into summer, and if the stress doesn't kill me I bet it will be a very fun experience. Here's to seeing those of you here at school in the coming fall, and to the rest of you...Well, our paths will cross again sooner or later. Don't be afraid to email me.
To life!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Nearing the Chaos of Finals
Wow, it seems like the year has all but blown past. Life is becoming a mass of days that blur together and any sense that used to exist has been tossed to the seven winds. The ride has been a long one, especially recently, but I can honestly say that I have been having so much fun along the way. School has been a new challenge that I'm still learning how to deal with in the best way possible, I've learned new ways of dealing with people, and my list of random skills has nearly doubled in just the past few months.
In all honesty I can say that college has been one of the best experiences in my life, and I can clearly see God's hand in my life. Each day He shows me over and over again that He loves me and is looking out for me. It's amazing to think that things so simple as getting a green light when I need one to so vast as being placed into a class just so I could meet a person are all being handled with loving care, and I'm so grateful to the Lord for all that he does.
This Sunday, especially, I felt His love when I taught one of my last lessons of the year. When I was first called to teach the Gospel Essentials class I was worried that I would somehow not be good enough to teach--mainly because of an experience I had acting as a substitute for the class and having only seven people show up--and from the very first lesson I gave He proved that He qualifies whomever He calls. It's amazing to watch that class talk about the gospel with such passion, and I literally just get to stand back and ask them questions on the given topic. Teaching that class has taught me so much about myself and the Lord that I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world, and I can honestly say that I hope I get to teach another class in the coming year.
I've also had a lot of great experiences with the people I know. Thanks to my friends here at college I've grown into a person that I can honestly say that I am beginning to really love. All of my life I've struggled with accepting myself and being happy with my appearance, and I've never really had people around me who have given me cause to rethink that. My parents, of course, have always told me that I'm a beautiful person inside and out, but do we ever really believe it when parents tell us those kinds of things? I didn't used to, but the last time my dad told me he was proud of me I couldn't help but think, "You know, I'm proud of me, too." I didn't even think that when I did Taming of the Shrew, and that was supposedly my crowning moment. People like Amberle and Rachel have shown me my own strengths and taught me that beauty isn't always as the world sees it. I guess you could say I've learned we're all beautiful, it's just a matter of whether or not we accept that beauty and allow it to blossom. It will take me a while to really accept myself and everything about me, but... Well, at least now I am on the right path.
Of course, life is going to hit a point soon where I'm going to be ripping my hair out and want to run around screaming. Finals are coming up within the next two weeks, and I can't help but be nervous. I've not done so well this semester at staying on top of assignments and doing my absolute best, and I'm worried that I'm not doing so well. Life is stressful, you see, when you have a scholarship that you have to work for, and so this summer I'm going to probably throw myself into work just in case my grades aren't good enough to keep my scholarship. I'm...terrified that I'm not going to succeed here at college, but I know that I have no other choice. I won't let myself fail. Next semester and for the last two weeks I am going to attack my classes with a will, but I don't know how this semester will turn out. I'm not overtly optimistic, but I am willing to accept whatever consequences come of my being an idiot. If I could give one piece of advice at this moment it would be to limit your stupidity to less expensive things.
Something really good happened this week, though. Ashli, a girl on my floor, has started helping me arrange music for "Nephi's Psalm" and she is absolutely wonderful. She was kind of amazed that I am being so ambitious as to want to get it published, but I have a feeling that Grandpa Bone would want me to do everything I could to spread the message of that beautiful scripture. Besides, when you get inspiration like that ignoring it is generally a stupid idea. I just hope my lyrics and Ashli's music can touch people's hearts like the testimonies of the three men it is based off of: Nephi, my grandfather, and my dad. I guess I just have to wait and see.
I've found one thing that makes me rather happy, though, and that's a random musician from Japan. His name is Hyde, and I decided to attach one of his music videos just in case any of you wanted to listen to it. The song is called "Angel's Tale" and it's all about the love he has for a wonderful girl who saved him and how, even though they are apart, he will always cherish what memories he has of her.
God bless you all, and remember I love you.
In all honesty I can say that college has been one of the best experiences in my life, and I can clearly see God's hand in my life. Each day He shows me over and over again that He loves me and is looking out for me. It's amazing to think that things so simple as getting a green light when I need one to so vast as being placed into a class just so I could meet a person are all being handled with loving care, and I'm so grateful to the Lord for all that he does.
This Sunday, especially, I felt His love when I taught one of my last lessons of the year. When I was first called to teach the Gospel Essentials class I was worried that I would somehow not be good enough to teach--mainly because of an experience I had acting as a substitute for the class and having only seven people show up--and from the very first lesson I gave He proved that He qualifies whomever He calls. It's amazing to watch that class talk about the gospel with such passion, and I literally just get to stand back and ask them questions on the given topic. Teaching that class has taught me so much about myself and the Lord that I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world, and I can honestly say that I hope I get to teach another class in the coming year.
I've also had a lot of great experiences with the people I know. Thanks to my friends here at college I've grown into a person that I can honestly say that I am beginning to really love. All of my life I've struggled with accepting myself and being happy with my appearance, and I've never really had people around me who have given me cause to rethink that. My parents, of course, have always told me that I'm a beautiful person inside and out, but do we ever really believe it when parents tell us those kinds of things? I didn't used to, but the last time my dad told me he was proud of me I couldn't help but think, "You know, I'm proud of me, too." I didn't even think that when I did Taming of the Shrew, and that was supposedly my crowning moment. People like Amberle and Rachel have shown me my own strengths and taught me that beauty isn't always as the world sees it. I guess you could say I've learned we're all beautiful, it's just a matter of whether or not we accept that beauty and allow it to blossom. It will take me a while to really accept myself and everything about me, but... Well, at least now I am on the right path.
Of course, life is going to hit a point soon where I'm going to be ripping my hair out and want to run around screaming. Finals are coming up within the next two weeks, and I can't help but be nervous. I've not done so well this semester at staying on top of assignments and doing my absolute best, and I'm worried that I'm not doing so well. Life is stressful, you see, when you have a scholarship that you have to work for, and so this summer I'm going to probably throw myself into work just in case my grades aren't good enough to keep my scholarship. I'm...terrified that I'm not going to succeed here at college, but I know that I have no other choice. I won't let myself fail. Next semester and for the last two weeks I am going to attack my classes with a will, but I don't know how this semester will turn out. I'm not overtly optimistic, but I am willing to accept whatever consequences come of my being an idiot. If I could give one piece of advice at this moment it would be to limit your stupidity to less expensive things.
Something really good happened this week, though. Ashli, a girl on my floor, has started helping me arrange music for "Nephi's Psalm" and she is absolutely wonderful. She was kind of amazed that I am being so ambitious as to want to get it published, but I have a feeling that Grandpa Bone would want me to do everything I could to spread the message of that beautiful scripture. Besides, when you get inspiration like that ignoring it is generally a stupid idea. I just hope my lyrics and Ashli's music can touch people's hearts like the testimonies of the three men it is based off of: Nephi, my grandfather, and my dad. I guess I just have to wait and see.
I've found one thing that makes me rather happy, though, and that's a random musician from Japan. His name is Hyde, and I decided to attach one of his music videos just in case any of you wanted to listen to it. The song is called "Angel's Tale" and it's all about the love he has for a wonderful girl who saved him and how, even though they are apart, he will always cherish what memories he has of her.
God bless you all, and remember I love you.
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