We all have our highs and our lows, emotionally speaking. Today was definitely a low point for me (putting it lightly). The stress and loneliness built up to such a point that I just about started to sob; I even felt homesick. This made me start to think about my life, though. I know, I know. Just what you wanted to hear about. At least I'm not ranting? That has to be some sort of benefit, I think.
Anyway, back to my not so grand revelation. This week is my birthday (yay!) and I move into a whole new realm of expectations. Most of my friends from high school are settling down: it seems a week cannot pass without an engagement or baby announcement flickering through my facebook feed. I'm happy for my friends, and I am excited that so many of them are finding their Happily Ever Afters. There are just days where I wonder when it's going to be my turn to ride off into the sunset. Now, I know I'm young. I know good things come to those who wait. But that doesn't make it any easier. Lately I've even started to gravitate towards listening to Adele and Kelly Clarkson because their music reflects the profound sadness of being alone. In many ways, their music is perfect for grad school. As silly as it sounds, grad school is one of the loneliest enterprises under the sun. We are all so busy and working so hard that we just...don't have time to be people any more. We get together to edit homework or discuss the readings for class--not much of a life, if you ask me. And making friends can be complicated, if only because the very nature of grad school is to isolate. How does this scattered little wheel of thought tie together? Well, as I told my bishop on Sunday, "How on Earth am I supposed to get married if I can't even land a date?!" As you can tell, this is a vivid point of frustration for me. In order to date, you have to have friends (at least, that's how it goes when you're someone like me). But having friends and being in grad school don't seem to match up... So, am I just doomed? There are days where I feel like I very well might be.
This entire conundrum is why I've decided to name the next year of my life the "Puppy or Man Year." Basically, it translates to "either I need a second puppy or I need a man in my life before I go absolutely bonkers." One puppy is nice and exciting, certainly, but when snuggling either my toes or my tummy get cold. A second puppy would be able to snuggle my toes while the first snuggled my tummy. It'd be perfect, I tell you! That, and first puppy would have a friend in second puppy! A husband could also fulfill the snuggling/friend position, but... Well, the likelihood of that one just... Mm. I'm not counting on it. So, I think I will instead budget for a second puppy. That seems far more realistic a goal for someone like me. At least there are plenty of dogs looking for a good woman to love them.
1 comment:
you're such a twilight sparkle Kirstin. I know exactly what that's like to be dateless. Recently though, I've had a lot of creepers ask me out and I've been on some pretty uncomfortable dates. It's weird how every one is so careful about dating now days. It's like getting a job now. and if you do go out with some one once you're "dating" therefore off limits. It's a weird feeling. Recently I've been frightened of me and the thought of one kissing me just scares me. I don't know what it is. meh. You deserve a nice literate gentleman. It seems as though all of that breed died off in the 20th century. ah well. Good luck with school and best wishes. -Karny
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